This is just crazy!

The Next Five

I’m 25 now. 25. I just have to keep saying it so that it will sink in. And while it’s sinking in, I’m left here wondering, is this – all that is around me – what I’d dreamed? Is this what I’d wanted? When I pictured my life, when I pictured who I’d be…was it me? Would my five-year old self recognize me? Would she think I was “cool”? Would she want me to be the babysitter? Or would she be disappointed at what her life had mapped out for her in her future? Have I said the right things, made the right decisions? Been nice enough, been sincere enough, loved enough, laughed enough, cried enough?

The past five years have gone by fast…faster than I thought they would…but not faster than every older and wiser woman warned. “You’ve got to enjoy every minute because, one day, you’re going to look back on these times and wish you could have them back.” “Ha” – I scoffed. “You obviously don’t know what I am going through. These times are tough.” And they were.

Five years ago, I was in love. In love, but broken hearted. And I was in the process of transferring colleges to escape. I found solace in the small, religious university that was close to my parents and that only one year prior had caused me so much strife in my efforts to grow up. It wasn’t an easy decision to leave my “real college.”

While I was there, I blossomed into a confident and outgoing woman. I tested my wings and flew a little. I made friends with girls, something I’ve never really been great at doing, and joined a sorority. I asked boys to date parties and formals. I got alcohol poisoning, fell down a flight of stairs and skipped classes (in that order). I went to Victoria’s Secret with my roommate so she could buy scanty lingerie and I graciously slept in a stranger’s room when her boyfriend came into town. My girlfriends and I had midnight walks around campus, sharing stories about boys, classes, parents and the future. We challenged each other to be more, do more and want more. We laughed together and we cried together. We met after classes to sit on the greens outside McClung and people watch. I spent way too much money at Starbucks. And, 9/11 happened and the nation mourned. Frequently, my roommate would wake me up screaming from nightmares after the attacks. I’d go over, wake her up and assure her that she was, in fact, just dreaming. This time.

When I transferred back to Belmont I simply wanted to graduate. Graduate and move on. I worked three jobs to pay for my new private school tuition and took summer classes. Once at Belmont it was obvious that there were other plans in store for me. I got involved in their Greek life, became on orientation leader, got inducted into honor societies and got honored at leadership banquets. I dated a boss’s son and was “let go” when it didn’t work out. I kissed a high-school crush on New Year’s Eve. I started working retail in a place that I would stay with for three more years. But most importantly, I met more girls that I came to love and with whom today, I would be lost without. Girls like Tiffany and Brittany and Abi – who are all so very, very different but who all have one thing in common…they get me. The know me. And they love me no matter what.

And these limited experiences were all in one year. My twentieth year.

All this leads me to wonder, how fast will the next five years go? Does time ever slow down?

Can’t the world just stop.

Stop.

Just for a moment. Let me catch my breath.

Sometimes I feel that if life were an amusement park ride, mine would be operated by the crazy, toothless, liquored-up carnie. He would laugh maniacally as he turned the ride’s gears to go faster and faster, forcing my head back so hard that I couldn’t lift it anymore. The lights of the park would become one long blur, spinning round and round

I’d beg him to stop. Slow down.

Just for a moment. Let me just catch my breath.

But he’d just laugh harder…and perhaps a little spittle would drip down the side of his mouth.

Maybe in the next five I’ll graduate grad school (phew, I better!). Maybe in the next five I’ll fall in love. Maybe I’ll fall out of love. Maybe I’ll give up on love. Maybe I’ll live in Seattle. Maybe I’ll have a dog. Maybe blogging will become passé. Maybe I’ll be back in school getting another degree. Maybe I’ll work in a coffee shop and be the most educated barista there. Maybe in the next five I’ll get married. Maybe we’ll have kids. And maybe we won’t. Maybe he’ll be sterile or I’ll be barren. Maybe I’ll get cancer. Maybe one or both of my parents will die – my dad will be pushing 70 by the end. Maybe I’ll read a novel that speaks to my heart the way none other has. Maybe I’ll write one. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll be the happiest I’ve ever been.

Kentucky "Fatty" Chicken

A smack-down on frivolous lawsuits...it's about time.

Moms should earn $138,095

This article takes me back to my high-school years.

I don't know how many times I got in trouble for snapping at my mom that she didn't work. A highly educated woman, my mom took serious offense to my implication that she didn't contribute to the household.

I truly appreciate that she quit work when I was younger, allowing me the luxery of not attending daycare or after-school programs. When I got into high school and later, college (and still to this day), was when I wondered what exactly it was that she did around the house all day long...when there was no one to look after (I'm an only child). There certainly can't be that much cleaning to do day in and day out.

To this day, her feathers would ruffle if she read this post. Though she had me come over last night because she was "bored".

Well, getting to my point, Salary.com conducted a survey which 40,000 mothers responded to. They detailed their jobs and how many hours they worked per week. The calculations were tabulated...and the salary for moms was decided.

$138,095

The average mom apprently works 10 jobs totaling 92 hours per week.

Among the jobs detailed in the survey, these were the most common:
-Housekeeper
-Day-care center teacher
-Cook
-Computer operator
-Laundry machine operator
-Janitor
-Facilities manager
-Van driver
-Chief executive officer
-Psychologist

Okay - seriously, I understand if you are running a household of multiple children. Multiple. But I do a lot of the jobs on this list...and no one is trying to figure out what the things I do are worth.

I keep my house...I wash my clothes (and I have a ton)...and for God's sake, I operate a computer (who doesn't?). I fight traffic two times a day to work and four more times a week when I have class. I counsel my friends/co-workers/parents...all the time. I cook for myself and others. I manage my facilities...pay the morgtage...pay the bills. And I am a janitor...I kill the bugs...unclog the drains. I'm not exactly sure what this "CEO" thing is...I mean...I'm the CEO of "Me Inc"...is that what this is saying?

So, the only thing I don't do is child-care center teacher. But I do work full time and go to grad school. I wonder what that's worth? Probably nothing.

This is not to demean what mother's are worth and the services they provide...I know that mothers who have multiple children are stretched to the limits and have plates more full than you can get at the $5.99 buffet at the Golden Corral.

But come on...$138,095?

Founded Fears

Sometimes I think my fears of deep and dark water are a little...well, unfounded. But then I see videos like this and I think...seriously, I must be the smartest most rational person in the entire world. The entire world.

Oh. My. God. This thing is disgusting.