Thursday, July 20, 2006

Reason for Standing Still

I am always looking for something, anything. Something that piques my interest. Anything that sparks my curiosity.

I have discovered that I have a disease.

This disease, which particularly attacks one or both parties in a relationship, can also be seen in the collegiate setting and is exhibited by such symptoms as transferring colleges and changing majors. Research shows that this “Grass is Always Greener on the Other Side” disease can be cured. Wanderlusts can be tamed. Wild hearts can be broken. However, because of this disease’s frequent and persistent mutation upon entering the host, researchers have yet to pinpoint the exact treatment method that would be successful for all patients.

What are my symptoms?

I’ve got the college thing well behind me...though, according to my calendar, grad school is quickly approaching. This isn’t to say that I didn’t switch majors five times. You think I’m kidding? I started off Music Business, switched to Nursing, then to Psychology, back to Music Business and then settled on Marketing. I also transferred colleges twice. Belmont to UTK and then back to Belmont.

My relationships are not a pretty picture of health either. If I am not in a relationship, I want to be. I want safety, security, good times and bad, sickness and health. You know, the whole shebang. If I am in said “relationship,” I can’t breathe. I find myself attracted to others, craving the freedom I once had and threw away without even a look back. What was I thinking?!

Granted, I have not been in a “relationship” in a long time...we’re talking ‘02, people, ’02! But I have dated, currently date, will date. I’m not in a lack of POIs (Potentials of Interest).

I am just looking for someone or something to give me a reason for standing still.

Is it really possible, standing still? Doesn’t life seem like it’s just one thing after the other after the other? When you were in Elementary school, you couldn’t wait to be in Middle school. Those kids were so cool. When you were in Middle school, you could almost taste how cool you would be…if only you were in High school. When you were in High school, college kids knew it all. They’d been there…and they’d lived to tell about it. Then it’s making the Dean’s list. And graduating. And getting that first “real” job. And then there’s that promotion you’ve been wanting...don’t forget about that. And grad school. And “when I meet the one.” And “when we get married.” And “when we buy our house.” And “when we start a family.” And “when the kids leave.” And “when we retire.”

And then you die.

There’s always something keeping us moving. Something pushing us forward. So is it really possible for someone or something to give me a reason for standing still? Maybe this reason is only supposed to keep me sane for a brief moment. Maybe this reason has been placed in my life to remind me to stand still.

To stop.

To stop chattering about the “what if’s” and “when’s” and just live.

And just breathe.

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