Online Dating Profile

I just wasted a good portion of my night looking at online profiles on Match.com. No, I am not a member, but I did create a fake membership to check all the people out. Surprisingly, I knew a lot of people on there! I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised…I don’t know, I just am.

So, in the spirit of the night I am going to write my own personal ad.

About Me:

Native Alabaman, current Tennessean. I love my friends and I love my family. I like the beach and the mountains. I graduated from high school and from college. My hair is brown and so are my eyes. I’m short and I have small hands and feet. I seem to able to balance just fine, considering this fact, though I would not consider myself graceful. I like to drink water and I limit my carbonated beverages. I like chicken and I like music. Generally, this is not a normal pairing…but I am reminded of the funky chicken as you should be. I don’t sleep enough, but when I do, I most always dream. I don’t always remember them though…but I’m sure they are good. I have a cat. He’s pretty cool. Please don’t call him a her just because he’s a cat and cats seem female to you. He is every bit as masculine as you. I like dating. Dating. When did dating stop, might I ask? When did it become appropriate to get together and rent a movie on a Saturday night? We are both not heinous – let’s go out and be seen together. Unless of course you have a girlfriend…or wife…

Seriously, I have gotten onto another subject and I am feeling the need to go on and on.

Dating – When did it become okay to just hang out? Why are there no more DTR (Defining the Relationship) talks? I just don’t get it. Where are the boys that want to date and court me? I don’t want to hang out with you! I want to date you. And guys, don’t say that you don’t have any money to date. That’s a whole load of crap. You do…you just blew it last weekend at the bar. And at the game. And on that new video game, or whatever it is that you boys play these days. Seriously, you have a job…does it pay you money? I sure as heck hope so, cause otherwise you are in more trouble that I thought. And on that note. Let’s say you are poor and you do work for free. There are tons of cool things to do that don’t cost much (if any) money. Some of the best, most creative dates I have been on weren’t “wine and dine me” dates. If a girl truly likes you boys, it doesn’t matter what you spend, what matters is that you have a good time together and get to know one another.

But I am an able-bodied young woman. I want to go out. I want to go hiking (last I checked, nature was free). I want to go to the park (again, free) and cook-out (seriously, if you can’t buy food, again…problems). I want to go and get coffee (depending on where you go…about $3 or less/person) with you and talk about what makes you who you are…and of course myself because doesn’t every girl like to talk about herself…at least that’s what I hear we girls are supposed to like. I want to get up a group of people and play board games (I have a ton…in the magic words…free for you). For God’s sake though boys, unless I am sick and want to stay at home and you are being sweet and coming over to take care of me…please, can we go out? I’m sitting on my couch right now…I can and will do this with or without you. And honestly, I prefer without. Well, that’s a little harsh…It’s just that, well, we barely know each other…It’s all happening so fast with us.

Oh and please call and ask me before hand. Please call and make plans…in advance. Not the day before…even though that has become acceptable in the recent years. But certainly not the night of. Oh my gosh, and don’t even think about texting me and asking me where I am when you haven’t asked me out. I will not meet you out and do not interrupt my night with the people that I am out with. I made plans without you...now leave me alone. Now, this is assuming that you and I don’t already have a relationship. Once the relationship has been built, the foundations laid, this is perfectly acceptable behavior. You have a life. I have a life. Everything will be fine as long as we both understand this.

Seriously, ladies. Let’s start a revolution. No advance plans, no dates. Period.