Friday, September 16, 2005

Trust

Here’s a question I have been thinking about for awhile – Is it possible to trust people on different levels or is trust black and white…you trust me or you don’t?

I was told the other day that I don’t trust anyone and, I must say, that is not true. However, it must be said that I do not trust people initially. It’s not that I have this natural tendency to distrust you. I neither trust nor distrust you. It’s just that I don’t have any expectations of you…yet. Basically, I feel that a person can’t be trusted unless they have proven themselves worthy of my trust. I am in no way holding my trust out to be something that is coveted and desired by all. I will say that the people who get my trust in the end are those that look at it in that very way. I realize that not everyone would do that or care.

During that time of discovering if I can trust you, if you can trust me, it is possible to learn a lot about people. You learn what your expectations for that person are; simultaneously, those expectations are raised and lowered depending on the experiences you have with one another. If someone is late all the time, I will learn to not be disappointed when that person is late. I might not like it – but I don’t expect anything more from that person. And, by saying this, I am not insinuating that you must put up with things that you don’t like. All you can do is express your dislike – if they change they do, if they don’t you must decide if it is something that you can deal with or something that you would deal better without.

There are different levels of trust, too. Such as, I trust my parents on pretty much every level. I know that they will not break promises to me – because they never have. When they say they will do something, I know they will do everything in their power to get that done. I trust my friend Tiffany with my secrets; she has never proven me wrong. There are certain friends that I can trust at the friendship level that we are at – but nothing more. I can see the way they act with other closer friends and I wouldn’t want to be treated that way. Also, as an example, I have a guy friend that I have had for years (since freshman year of high school). We used to do everything together. He was my absolute best friend. Through the years of being in college and having significant others, we grew apart. I guess it is to be expected. Do I trust him now? No. I don’t think that he would intentionally hurt me…that’s not what I am saying. It’s just that I’m not sure he would be there for me if I needed him.

Maybe I have issues with trust. Maybe I don’t. I can say, as I am sure many others can, that my trust has been broken/smashed/impaled before and maybe that’s why I shy away from giving away that part of me so easily.

I have been told that I am hard to get to know. That I am standoffish and aloof. I just prefer reserved emotional attachments initially. That’s the key word

When I am sure of you…you can be assured that I will give you everything that I have. I will be there for you 210%. It just takes awhile. If you really wanted my trust, it would be worth the wait.

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