Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Personality Type: The Jetta Driver

Posted by The Bastardly. Edited for brevity but can be found in it's entirety here.

"Aaah, The Jetta. I think the cars are synonymous with the words, “I want one of those” in the female and homosexual communities. Don’t get me wrong now, I love & respect both communities, but let’s not kid ourselves, the Jetta is not a car for the normal guy. That is, if the normal guy is not a chump.

The male Jetta driver: The Jetta is a classic car for your typical chump on the prowl for women (that is, women who are in high school or early years of college). Why? Very simple. Because you have something they want. It’s the same with other wonders of the world…money, large house, cute puppy, large penis, etc etc. You have something. They want a piece! The closest thing to owning a Jetta is being close to someone who has one. The chump gets what he wants. The woman gets her desires fulfilled. Very simple concept, indeed.

What characteristics define this chump? The Classic Jetta Chump is a (most often white) male in their late - early 20s. If he’s in college, 4 out of 5 times, he’s in a frat. He drinks Starbucks coffee. He Eats @ the Cheesecake Factory. He wears Abercrombie & Fitch. Lastly, he most probably lifts with a wife-beater on, so he can A) look @ himself in the mirror as he does curls & B) so he can attract his women. In other words, he has no mercy.

The girl Jetta Driver: Aaah, they are truly a wonder. No Asian man can ever get his skinny hands on their silky bodies because these girls have been sheltered by their fathers (who most probably have a military background & fought wars against the colored people–i.e. Vietnam, Gulf War, etc). There’s a clause to the last statement: The Asian man can get into Girl Jetta Drivers’ pants ONLY if they fork over a Jetta in exchange for pleasure, but that would classify as a total Chump move, so it just wouldn’t be cool.

The Jetta Girl is the classic Daddy’s Little Girl. If she owns a Jetta released within the last 3 years, she is definitely Daddy’s Girl, but if it’s a old, ghetto Rabbit, then she’s probably your wannabe surfer. 7 out of 10 times (accounting for the wannabe surfers), materialism defines them. It is literally at the center of their world. Don’t be surprised to see a chick driving a Jetta, who has a Hurley bumper sticker & carries a LV handbag. Also, 4 out of 5 times they are members of elite sororities, so the Chumps on the prowl find their prey extremely easily. Also, to further feed the Chump fire, these girls believe coffee was invented by Starbucks."


Seriously funny! The description of the male Jetta driver is accurate of the one guy I knew in college who drove said vehicle. He was a white male, in a frat and a womanizer. I believe he might have been too good for A & F, though...only Ralph Lauren/Polo and Izod would do.

As for the description of me? Well, it is somewhat accurate.

I am a daddy's girl but not in an annoying way. Ha - at least I don't think so. I am fairly cognizant about not being a spoiled brat. I just happen to be my dad's only daughter...and an only child.

Speaking of my dad...he does have a military background and fought in Vietnam.

I wouldn't say that materialism defines me...that's a tad harsh...I do, however, enjoy the finer things in life. And it's not LV, thank you very much...it's Chanel and Coach...well, and Dolce and Gabbana (because their initials are the letters of my sorority)....

(long pause)

This is sounding bad for me, isn't it??



Thomas said...

Nice to see you can take yourself to task on what matters to you most, your image. Haha

Seriously, that's an amusing read, but you're smart enough not to buy wholeheartedly into stereotypes. Similar traits aside, keep in mind that you are not exactly enamored with your little Jetta. Guess that is why he lists the female Jetta driver as spoiled, since daddy needs a fat wallet to keep it on the road! :)

xanthuos said...

Driving a Jetta gets you women? Could have fooled me...

Sarah Ashlee said...

Yes - but I am not enamored b/c it is unreliable! I love the image...and keep in mind that I am still driving the POS around, though it has left me stranded many a time.

Haha - and unfortunately, daddy's wallet has nothing to do with my situation.

Matt - Do I recall correctly seeing a picture of you and a Mercedes on your Facebook?? I bet that gets the ladies... ;)

Slave to the dogs said...

Bah - long live Chanel and Coach, and don't forget Prada! :)

That description pegs the 2 male Jetta drivers I've known as well.

xanthuos said...

Ahh, beautiful 'Cedes. She's gone now. I sold her to my brother in when I moved to Canada in 2004 and he succinctly ran her into the ground. :/
However, it is my intention to purchase her sibling soon enough. If I can find a 300D (Diesel) that I like the condition & price of, Matthew will be putting around fueled by Chinese takeout frying oil.

This way, I get the girls that like the luxury cars...and can also attract the hippy environmentalist chicks ;)